Do's:
- Always Wipe front to back (Anonymous)
- Always Love your neighbor as you love yourself (Anonymous)
- Always get your shit together before you leave your spouse for another person and be sure to find and delete all nude pictures of yourself
- Always wash your hands between dissecting a frog and eating chicken nuggets
- Always Pick up ice cubes that you drop on the kitchen floor. Chances are you will bust your ass on a half melted one a few minutes down the road
- Always take a barf bucket with you to the bathroom if you are feeling sick and just think it is going to be diarrhea ... it may end up being both
- Always save your work (word, excel, visual studio, etc ...) every few minutes
- Always take off jewelery and glasses before going tubing
- Always make sure you have toilet paper in stock
- Always make sure the stall you are using has TP before you conduct your business
- Always Leave your wireless headset at your desk and mute the headset and mute the phone before walking over to a co-worker to rant about the customer on the line.
- Always Notice and positively comment when your significant other makes a change to her hair, such as, making it blonde and taking 4 inches off.
- Always Turn of the electricity when working on electrical stuff in your house
Suggestions:
- Don't buy apple products
- Don't invite your new secret boyfriend to the Halloween party your husband is hosting and flirt with him.
- Don't go out in public with your girlfriend dressed like a slut if it is going to piss you off when guys look at her.
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Don'ts:
- Don't spit in the wind. (Anonymous)
- Never drink tequila, beer, and Goldschlager the same night. (Anonymous)
- Don't Tell a female friend to "get bigger pants" when she complains that her pants are too tight.
- Don't Buy a house unless you put down a 20% down payment. FHA sucks balls.
- Don't Fall asleep in a company training class that lasts all day and is boring as hell. (Anonymous)
- Don't Throw a grape at a co-worker at dinner when on a company trip, you may hit someone else at your company that didn't find it amusing.
- Don't Aim a water balloon slingshot towards a house even if you think you are way too far away to get close. You may land your water balloon right next to a toddler's head.
- Don't drill a hole in the bottom of a full 1000 gallon septic tank. You will be sprayed. (Pete)
- Don't wear your adjustable baseball or trucker hat backwards in the sun for extended periods. You will end up with a very tanned sideways "D" on your forehead (surrounded by white).
(MC)
- Don't pee or spit into the wind (Anonymous)
- Don't eat yellow snow (Anonymous)
- Don't invite a student to your home. Ever
- Don't go to a vegetarian's house for thanksgiving dinner
- Don't take a leak in the dark while playing manhunt. You are probably pissing on or very close to someone
- Don't have your bachelor party the night before your wedding and get drunker than you have ever been in your entire life
- Don't let your job interfere with your life and/or family
- Don't marry a girl that hasn't been with anyone else before you
- Don't use chemicals that state to wear protective gear in the nude
- Don't take your car to the dealership. They will rape you
- Don't eat chicken that has been in the fridge for a week
- Don't climb mesquite trees, they have really sharp prickers
- Don't travel on airplanes the day before thanksgiving
- Don't keep male and female turtles together. They breed like rabbits
- Don't burn bridges, even if you cannot stand a person (at the time)
- Don't wear a visor when you are going to be in the sun all day, your scalp will get burned
- Don't stain your floor in sections over time, do all of it at the same time
- Never reuse a condom. Even if you turn it inside out (Anonymous)
- Don't Stick your finger in the bottom of your vacuum cleaner to get the spinny thing to start in spinning again. It will start spinning again and rip a few layers of skin off your finger.
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